


Five Times Bucky Was Confused By The Future

by VoiceOfNurse



Series: Dance Like Nobody's Watching [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Clint Is a Good Bro, Gen, Humor, Laughter, Misunderstandings, Team Fluff, Team as Family, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6887683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoiceOfNurse/pseuds/VoiceOfNurse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And The One Time He Totally Wasn't.</p>
<p>The future is a strange, strange place, even for the people who live in it. Featuring Vajazzles, Rude Cocktails, Twerking Clint, Lazy Tony and Dubstep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Bucky Was Confused By The Future

**Author's Note:**

> Because OMOWatcher can't stop infecting me with plotbunnies! Attempted humor ahoy!

Cryo aside, existing through history as the Winter Soldier wasn’t living, and there was a great deal that Bucky had never experienced. As his memories began to filter back into some semblance of order and HYDRA’s programming ebbed away, he started to realise that the world he was living in was a drastically different place than the one he recalled. He’d seen the world, been conditioned to work alongside the cutting edge of the day, slicing a deadly path through history, but he was beginning to understand just how much he’d missed out on.

“Tony, why do you have a- what even  _ is  _ this…?” The magazines had been left on one of the many sleek and stylish coffee tables that were scattered around the common floor, and the bright yellow headlines had caught Bucky’s eye. 

Tony, who was, for reasons only known to himself, sprawled out on the floor in a glowing nest of touchscreens and tablets, cracked open an eye. “It’s a magazine. Surely you’ve seen one of them before?” 

Sarcastic little fucker. For a moment, Bucky considered throwing something at Tony’s head; possibly the table. Knowing his luck, though, Steve would walk in just as he did it and start pulling the devastated puppy face that he was prone to when he thought Bucky was having a setback and didn’t want to bring it up. Not to mention the fact that Tony would probably get his own back by having his AI make Bucky’s arm punch him in the face. 

“No, Stark, I come from the dark ages and haven’t seen the printed word before. Though seriously, what the fuck is a ‘va-jay-jay’, and why the hell is this rag telling me to ‘vajazzle’ it?” 

For someone so erratic and large as life, Tony didn’t actually laugh often, which was why it came as such a shock when he snorted and practically choked himself with a sudden fit of hysterics. Bucky frowned, looking at the magazine again. It looked ridiculous, but not ridiculous enough to warrant Tony beating his fists on the carpet, tears streaming down his face, apparently laughing so hard it hurt. 

“Oh fuck-! Oh Jesus-! Ow!” It was entirely possible that Tony was actually dying. Bucky didn’t particularly relish the idea of having to perform CPR on him, so rather than repeating the question and risking asphyxiating what was essentially his landlord, he pulled out his phone and surveyed the contact list. 

Steve was out, obviously; he knew even less about the future than Bucky, and tended to look wounded when he wasn’t able to answer Bucky’s questions. Eventually, he settled on Clint; Hawkeye had a near-encyclopedic knowledge of pointless facts and normally had his phone on him. 

 

**Need intel ASAP. Va-jay-jay and vajazzle appear to have broken Stark. Please advise.**

 

Message sent, Bucky turned his attention back to Tony. It seemed as though he was finally getting himself under control, scarlet faced and sniggering, but then he took one look at Bucky’s confused frown and started laughing all over again. Seriously, what on earth was funny enough to make Tony Stark simultaneously wet himself and suffocate he was laughing so hard? 

“Jesus, Stark, it’s not  _ that  _ funny.” It was actually kind of pissing him off, partly because it made him want to laugh too and he didn’t really know what to do with that. Bucky might not be the most self-aware person on the planet, but he knew that laughing just because someone else was still made him intensely uncomfortable. 

Tony, who was flat on his back on the floor, chest heaving, face wet with tears, snorted. “It- god! It really is! Barnes, you’re killing me! Va-jay-jay! I’m going make you saying that into a soundbite. I need to put it online! I need to send it to Steve!” 

Speaking of phones; Bucky’s buzzed in his hand, and he looked down, hopeful that Clint was coming to his rescue. Unfortunately, rather than giving the much needed information, Clint’s reply consisted of a string of emoticons, exclamation points and the abbreviation  **WTF** . In other words, completely unhelpful. 

Bucky frowned. “You do realise that Steve will have no idea what it means either, right? He’s not going to find it funny.” 

“Oh, it’s not Captain Tightass that I want to find it funny.” Tony’s smile was nothing short of sly. Bucky would have appreciated it a lot more if he actually got the joke. Not only did he greatly enjoy gently ribbing Steve, but the look on Steve’s face when he did was always like Christmas and his birthday had come early. 

As it was, however, he  _ didn’t _ get the joke, and was starting to think that it might be at his expense. He was just about to make a barbed comment to that effect in Tony’s direction when his phone buzzed again, indicating that he had another message. He was surprised to find that it was from Natasha.

 

**Seeing as Clint has regressed into a twelve year old boy who can’t talk about female anatomy without sniggering like an idiot, here’s the information that you need.**

 

She had included a link. ...and photographs. And suddenly Bucky understood why Tony had laughed so hard. 

“Jesus Christ. Why- just  _ why  _ is that even a thing?” 

Tony grinned at him from the floor, all shark teeth and glinting brown eyes. “If that gets you, I’d strongly advise  _ not  _ looking any of it up on the internet. That rabbit hole is deep, dark, and there are gimp masks and latex at the bottom. Captain America wouldn’t approve.” 

One of the gadgets that Tony had spread out around him pinged, and Tony’s smile became just shy of maniacal. Bucky raised an eyebrow. “You’ve set me saying it as his ringtone, haven’t you?” 

For such a good actor, Tony couldn’t play innocent worth a damn. “Now why would you say that…?” 

“Because I know you. And we both know Steve won’t be able to work out how to get rid of it again.” Despite himself, Bucky felt the beginnings of a smile forming. 

Tony just smirked. “Obviously. You’re going to wait for him to be in a meeting to ring him, right?” 

“Absolutely not.” It was surprisingly easy to laugh, quiet and subdued though it was. “I’m going to wait until he’s in a press conference.” 

 


End file.
